This is the beginning of how I became a Fag Hag, from surviving childhood in the suburbs: raised by narcissistic, drunken, homophobic parents (and that's their good points) - to developing wonderful friendships with gay men (one gay man in particular). And lesbians. And bisexual, pansexual, transgender people. I could almost have called this book Gay - had it not been for the unfortunate discovery of my own heterosexuality, and the ensuing disaster this has proven to be, hence this is Fag Hag. Where everybody else is getting way more sex. It's twisted, comical and self-deprecating. And almost undeniably, unforgivably true. Cinderella only exists here in the form of a Drag Queen on ecstasy. The straight Cinders burnt to death in an unfortunate wig-cigarette burning incident on her way home from a fancy dress party.
"Women Over 40 Are Not To Be Trusted". I saw this on a T-shirt in 2003. In Tokuyama. The wearer was a middle-aged Japanese man and it was his day off. The T-shirt was pink and the letters black... Fast forward to the future. At 40 I had my first baby, at 41 and a half, my second. That's all you need to know about that. We moved to country NSW. Daily life has evolved into: eating, drinking, school runs, shitting, shopping, surviving, cooking and cleaning. My life had become DULL. We are 25 kilometres away from the nearest Target and Coles. 50 kilometres in the other direction is ALDI. Sadly: these are important factors in my daily life. The bush is nice. People wax lyrically about the bush. Poems written and published, all very romantic. It's a nice place to visit. To live here: it's dull as batshit. We've just resolved the water issues by instilling a bore. Now my children don't bathe in mud. One day my gay best friend rang me from the city. He'd bought me a ticket to Hawaii. This is what happened.