Hi 44147, This story is approached through a great topic. You develop the narrative very well, and it is engaging in terms of language. If I were you, I would experiement with writing this perhaps in the third person, and in the past tense. There is a quality about this good narrative that - in the present tense - undermines the quality topic and development of story. I think that the reader knows the battle is the past tense, and, as it is not a diary, needs to be narrated in the past tense. Keep experimenting with this one. Regards, Writer 12345.